My sweet little girl was once an infant…it wasn’t even that long ago, and already, I tend to forget this fact.

I pray that I can always remember holding her as a tiny babe…that warm, melting feeling that engulfed my heart as I smelled her sweet skin. Pray that I remember the fear that I felt as I realized the weight of the responsibility of raising her up to be a woman of character, a disciple of Christ. Pray that I remember the realization of my desperation for His guidance, His love, and His patience as we embarked on this journey known as parenthood.

I pray that I can learn to rejoice in each phase she passes through. I pray that I cling to His grace and His example of discipline rather than my own need for control. I pray that I will see her and remember that she is a child, a wee little babe, just as God remembers that I am dust. I pray for an eternal perspective and a release from the lie that I alone am responsible for forming her character. I am just a tool that He has chosen to use in her life…I pray that I submit to His wielding as He carves out beauty in my baby girl.

It is a challenge to be a stay at home wife and mom. Do not hear me wrong, I LOVE what I do. I would not trade my position with anyone. I am so thankful that the Lord has provided the opportunity for me to be at home and also incredibly grateful that my husband works so diligently to provide for us. But even though I cherish my role, it does not come without its struggles. I am not speaking of days filled with screaming children, although those rare days do exhaust me, but rather the struggle of not having any product to show for all of my hard work. In most other professions, at the end of the day, you have something to show for your day’s toil. A meeting attended, a lesson plan executed, a talk written, emails sent…but as a stay at home mom, my product at the end of the day is often a house covered in toys, dog hair, crumbs, and a sink full of dishes.

So I strive to accomplish things. I begin to wash dishes and someone starts to cry. I am faced with a choice: wipe up the tears and hold my child or finish the dishes so I have some visible proof of work that day. I confess that I often try to pacify my child with, “Just a minute, sweetheart,” while I finish the dishes instead of giving them the attention that they desire. I war within myself with letting my children be children and desiring a spotless house free of toddler and baby toys. I crave time to do something that I can present as a job well done.

I have a problem: the idolatry of things that are seen. I want people to see my hard work and to praise me for doing it well. I want to check off my list with relish and watch it shrink each day instead of grow. I want to be praised by man. I want to hold up my head and say, “Look at all I have accomplished.”

This is not my calling however. In 2 Corinthians 4:18 it says, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” I have never sat and meditated on the passages in scripture that refer to fixing our eyes and hopes on things unseen as something that applies to my day to day life of being a wife and mom. I always read those verses and assign a lofty meaning to the phrase “unseen things”–it brings to mind things like salvation, the hope of heaven, evangelism, our rewards to come, etc. But after wisdom shared by another mother, I realize that my days overflow with unseen things. No one sees the child rocked, the books read, the babies fed and the tickles doled out. Human eyes are ignorant of the hours I spend nurturing, disciplining, instructing, discipling, laughing and crying. However, my Savior and my Judge sees it all. I believe He watches in delight and I chase my oldest around and snuggle with the smallest as he falls to sleep. I believe He gently nudges my heart to put down the dishes and to hold the child. He challenges me to patience and grace as I deal with the 35th temper tantrum of the day. He sees my heart, and He sees my hard work.

So, today, I strive to offer up the idol of things seen. I pray instead for the grace to focus on unseen callings and unseen joys. God will never hold me accountable for the cleanliness of my house, but He will ask me if I loved my children well. I hope that through His discipline and His strength, I can one day answer a resounding, “Yes, Lord.”